Why I Hate Coffee

The morning of October 4th began like any other.Out of bed by 6am, breakfast, shower, tv - at work by 7:30, nothing unusal.

Around 7:40 am I sauntered up to the corporate restaurant in search of sustaining nutrients, and decided on a small bowl of porridge and some fruit.

I joined the queue of half asleep corporate zombies, waiting to pay for their fancy sounding doses of morning stimulants. While standing there, I allowed myself some extra down time... I was away with the fairies as the British might say...when suddenly my reverie was interrupted by someone speaking to me apologetically:

"I'm so sorry" blubbered the blonde lady beside me.

I was totally confused... What was she sorry for? Was she talking to me? And why is my leg suddenly hurting me? What's this hot wet thing against my leg?

I look down and through the blinding pain, I notice my ebony black trousers have an unusual latte coloured streak down them that wasn't there when I bought them...

"I'm really really sorry" blondie is still babbling...

Then it hits me - I snap out of fairy land and realise that sleepy blonde lady has
emptied ALL of her skinny latte down my leg and over my shoes (thank God I wasn't wearing my suedes!)

I let out a long sigh. Blondie scurries away to find paper towels, restaurant staff wipe up the floor - not that there is much to clean since my trousers have absorbed most of it!

I sponge off as best I can and return to my desk with one dark brown trouser leg peppered with white fluff - minor scalds to my thigh and calf - and smelling like a million STARbucks.

And this is another reason why I hate coffee, its victims obviously can't function (in terms of hand-eye coordination) without it.

Bah humbug!